These days, it’s next to impossible to expect that your kids won’t have smart devices, especially in the teenage years, as they develop more independence. One mom says that excessive screen time has straight-up “ruined” her family, and she’s asking Reddit for advice on how to tackle this tricky tech struggle in her household.
“I have 3 children ranging from 7 to 17,” she explains. “Each one got a phone earlier than the last, but it has ruined everything for all of us. My oldest will scroll social media for hours on end, looking like a mouse clicking a button for cheese. My middle child will literally be on her phone or iPad for 10 hours straight if no one gets her off. My youngest refuses to get off, and her behavior has become aggressive and physical. Every night is a battle.”
It seems that her partner’s parenting style isn’t helping matters with the smart devices, either. “I try to set reasonable boundaries, but my partner has an almost completely permissive style of parenting,” she says. “I can’t fight every battle, especially when I’m working so much.”
“I’m just exhausted,” she continues. “Half the time I want to smash them with a hammer, but then I accept that in today’s world, they have to have a phone for a variety of safety reasons. I’m just at a loss for how to control devices to be a healthy portion of our family life.”
No doubt OP is not alone in her concerns, especially as the prevalence of devices grows even among young children. Still, there’s a growing body of research warning about the short- and long-term effects of social media use on both mental and physical health, with experts universally sounding the alarm on device use among kids and teens.
But setting boundaries with your kids isn’t easy, and it’s made all the more difficult when a co-parent or fellow caregiver isn’t fully on board, as OP is experiencing. Commenters were in agreement that the first step is to get her partner on the same page, as it’s a battle they’ll need to fight in solidarity with one another.
In addition to connecting with her partner, others suggested setting screen time limits on the devices and ensuring only she knows the password, so her partner can’t go behind her back and unlock the devices without her consent. Others believe removing the devices altogether, forcing the kids to go cold turkey, is the best course of action—with many suggesting that if safety is a concern, she can buy them less-addictive devices, such as a flip phone, AirTag, or Apple Watch so they’re reachable but not constantly plugged-in.
Tackling this issue is no easy feat in any household, but it’s so important to help protect a child’s healthy growth and development without the interference of addictive algorithms and screens. Of course, it never hurts to check in with your child’s pediatrician for guidance, and talking to a trusted therapist—either as a family or solo—is always a solid move in any sticky parenting situation.
