James Tomkins was days into a week-long family holiday when he ruefully accepted his fate.
In December, the former West Ham United, Derby County and Crystal Palace defender travelled to Spain for much-needed introspection. It had been four months since his release from Crystal Palace. It was a trip where the 36-year-old concealed his true emotions, but one which provided him with clarity over a decision that had been brewing.
“It’s mad because I’ve had this thought to announce my retirement for a while,” he tells The Athletic.
“It’s been a few months of getting my head around it: that’s why I didn’t announce it until March. It’s been emotional. I’m happy to finally draw a line over the uncertainty. I left Palace with the intention of continuing my career. I had that drive to do it. I maintained my fitness, but the opportunities never came.
“The longer you’re out of the game, the harder it is to get back into it. It’s almost a year since I got released, so I just knew deep down.
“You do start to slowly panic when the phone isn’t ringing. The interest wasn’t as strong as I thought it would be. My plan was to give it until Christmas. I spoke about it with my loved ones, but after the festive season, I knew it was time. That family holiday was a defining moment. My family were trying their best to remain positive, but I had to be realistic about the situation.
“I woke up one day and thought, ‘I’m no longer a professional footballer’. It just hit me. It’s been a massive shock and an emotional one. I had a routine and suddenly that’s no longer there.”
Tomkins made 136 appearances during his eight-year spell at Palace. His last appearance was against Aston Villa on May 19, 2024, with manager Oliver Glasner bringing him on in the 87th minute during their 5-0 victory. Post-match, a tearful Tomkins expressed his gratitude to the club and the supporters. He has only made 26 league appearances since the 2020-21 season.
Tomkins lost his place in the starting XI to Marc Guehi and Joachim Andersen (now of Fulham). The lack of game time was a hard adjustment.
(Alex Davidson/Getty Images)
“I didn’t play much over the last few seasons,” he says. “You’re not forgotten about, but in a way, you feel that way. You don’t feel massively part of it. You’re paid to do a job, but you can’t do it because you’re injured and all you want to do is come back. Then you have the mental challenges of suffering injury setbacks because you’re rushing to get back.
“People think I’ve been injured, but I just wasn’t playing as much as I’d like. There were times I’d come home and at the door, I’d switch into family mode because I didn’t want them to see me upset. It’s the hard side of football that not everyone sees.
“Leaving Palace was a long progression and, ultimately, it was the right time to leave. My emotions just took over (after the Villa game). That lump feeling you get in your throat. In the dressing room after the game, it happened again. It was hard transitioning from a first-team regular to a bit-part player. But I guess it helped that two top players, Marc and Joachim, wanted my shirt. It even reached a point where I started looking up to them.
“To see Marc’s development is phenomenal. He’s a special player and seeing his progression makes me smile. That boy has it all and now he’s doing it consistently. I always found it hard being consistent at his age, but he makes it look easy. Looking back, it was the right time for me to be phased out of the team.”
Tomkins was a first-choice defensive option for large parts of his career. At West Ham, he was part of the side that won promotion to the Premier League in 2011-12. Tomkins, who made 243 appearances during his eight-year spell, played under four managers: Gianfranco Zola, Avram Grant, Sam Allardyce and Slaven Bilic.
Tomkins progressed from the academy to make his league debut against Everton in 2008. Seeing close friend and team-mate Mark Noble, now West Ham’s sporting director, grow into a first-team player was added motivation. Tomkins developed into an important player, but towards the latter stages of his spell, West Ham’s other central options were Winston Reid, James Collins and fellow academy graduate Reece Burke.
Tomkins wanted a fresh start but tried to keep his £10million ($12.7m) switch to Palace under wraps.
looked after @TomkinsOfficial for 16 years, been through everything together, sad day for me but that’s football for ya, good luck geezer
— MARK NOBLE (@Noble16Mark) July 5, 2016
“We all looked up to Mark because he showed it was possible,” says Tomkins. “But when I left, he phoned me shocked like, ‘Tonks, what’s happened? Tell me this isn’t true’. I told him and he couldn’t believe it. I didn’t tell anyone. Even my family didn’t know until the very end. I had a feeling if I’d told Nobes, he would’ve tried to talk me out of it.
“In the end, he realised why I left: I wanted to play games and do what was best for my family. I’m sure he would’ve done the same if he were in my position. It was another London club, I’d played under Alan Pardew (the former West Ham manager, when Tomkins was in the youth team), and it was a family club like West Ham. I also had that extra drive to prove West Ham wrong.
“I had to believe in myself (when I was first breaking through at West Ham), even when I started to have doubts. I saw so many lads cry because they’d been let go. I thought, ‘Is that going to be me next?’. I was offered a one-year YT (youth contract) and a one-year professional deal. That’s the only time I could relax a bit. I knew I had that security and didn’t have to worry about getting released.
“But when I left, I wanted to show West Ham what they were missing. I remember when we (Palace) beat Man City away (in December 2018) and Andros Townsend scored that worldie. It was nice to experience a win like that. My career has had a lot of relegation fights, but we just felt unstoppable that day. From a personal standpoint, it was another moment of me proving to West Ham that they shouldn’t have let me go.
“But I always tried too hard whenever I played against them. I overthought it too much to make a point. But I bumped into a supporter and they thanked me for everything I did at the club. That meant a lot to me.”
(Ryan Pierse/Getty Images)
While it was hard for Tomkins to come to terms with his retirement, he is mapping out the next chapter of his career. Most retired footballers become coaches, managers or TV pundits, but Tomkins plans to take an unconventional path.
“I’ve been doing the school run and one day my son asked me, ‘Dad, what are you going to do now?’. I laughed it off, but deep down I thought to myself, ‘I’m still trying to work it out’,” he says.
“He probably wants me to get a job so I can stop taking him to school! It reached a point where loved ones kept asking me for updates about my future. I just kept saying I was waiting for something to come up. It was tough constantly being asked because I was thinking about my future every day.
“I want to stay in football because it’s all I’ve known. I’m looking at doing a sporting director course. It’s a bit different and that’s what fascinates me about it. I don’t have all my badges, so I would have to do my UEFA B to go down that route.
“All of this is new to me, but since announcing my retirement, I’ve been overwhelmed with the responses. I feel lucky that West Ham and Crystal Palace fans have that respect for me. I’ve always been hard on myself, but now it’s the time to look back and appreciate the career I’ve had.”
(Top photo: Clive Rose/Getty Images)