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Here are my fearless political predictions, tongue planted firmly in cheek, for the Year of Our Lord 2025. I will review my prognostications at the end of the year if the United States of Trump (long may he reign and ruin!) still enjoys freedom of the press.
The decline and rise of Matt Gaetz
Former Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-Fla.) was one of the big stories of 2024, and his legendary saga will continue into 2025. The man who was Donald Trump’s first choice to be attorney general reluctantly withdrew from consideration after the House Ethics Committee found that allegations of pharmaceutically fueled sexual escapades were even too much for Sin City on the Potomac.
But you can’t keep a bad man down. He began his comeback early in 2025 when he announced that he would run for governor of Florida in 2026 to succeed the incumbent, Ron DeSantis, who left office to become the new co-host of “Dancing in The Stars” along with former Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.). The show’s popularity gives rise to the new dance craze, the “Jewish Space Laser” that sweeps the universe.
Sen. Rick Scott (R-Fla.) was the inspiration for the Gaetz comeback. Floridians elected Scott to two terms as governor and senator after the firm he led, Columbia/HCA, was fined $1.7 billion by the feds for making fraudulent Medicare and Medicaid claims.
After that, Gaetz’s alleged sexual dalliances and affinity for Bolivian marching powder paled in comparison.
The new governor quickly turns Miami into a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah. But his success in excess is short lived as a giant tsunami turns his cesspool of corruption into a pillar of salt. But not all is lost. The intensity of climate change brought about by the elimination of the Environmental Protection Agency dooms Miami but turns the desert city of Las Vegas into a moist tropical paradise where The Donald makes his permanent residence after Mar-a-Lago sinks slowly into the sunset.
Elon Musk crashes and burns
Elon Musk’s ascension to Speaker of the Mini Majority in the GOP House of Horrors followed the departure of Speaker In Name Only Mike Johnson. Trump’s endorsement temporarily bailed out the sorry butt of the soon to be former Speaker. But shortly after the vote to defund and shutdown the federal government, Johnson threw up his hands in horror and left in disgrace for safer pastures as a lion and tiger trainer in Trump’s travelling MAGA circus sponsored by the Tesla Corporation and Truth Social.
But Musk’s short tenure as Speaker crashed and burned quickly. Even he couldn’t survive the brutal internecine warfare in the Little GOP House of Horrors. Trump came to his rescue. Under house arrest at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, the president issues an executive order that makes the owner of the site formerly known as Twitter Generalissimo Supremo of the Armed Forces of the United States of Trump. What possibly could go wrong?
The battle for Greenland
Greenland was the first step in Trump’s grand imperial ambition for total world domination. Because of its proximity to the U.S., Canada could have been first. But the new president made his priorities clear when he stated, “For purposes of National Security and Freedom throughout the world, the United States of America feels that ownership of Greenland is an absolute necessity.”
The planning for the U.S. incursion into Greenland with the codename Whiskey Tango Foxtrot looked easy on paper. But Musk learned the hard way that the Prussian military strategist Gen. Helmuth Von Moltke was right on point when he said, “no battle plan survives first contact with the enemy” or something to that effect in German.
The excursion into the sovereign territory of Denmark of course marked the end of the NATO alliance, which was Dear Leader Trump’s long-time dream and a nightmare for the free world.
The plucky Danish navy, along with the native Greenland independence movement, put their differences behind and joined forces to resist American domination. The joint forces mounted a determined coastal resistance but eventually gave way to Musk’s blitzkrieg. The delay did provide time and space for the brave indigenous freedom fighters to fight a holding action in the interior against American attacks.
The incursion eventually became a war of attrition but the cavalry rode to the rescue in the frozen North. In a pre-emptive strike for their freedom, Canada and Denmark’s Scandinavian neighbors joined the fight and sent thousands of troops hardened by cold weather into the near and far reaches of the Artic tundra to assist the brave defense in the interior of the island.
England and France sympathized with the cause of the hard-pressed Danes but were unable to help as they were busy trying to hold off the Russian armies within sight of the Eiffel Tower besieging Paris.
The heightened conflict forced Musk to withdraw American ground, naval and air forces from “safe” theaters of war like the Middle and Far East to fight for the Great White North.
These American reinforcements were aided and abetted by Russian and North Korean armies fresh from the conquest of Ukraine. Once he wipes out NATO resistance in Western Europe, Vladimir Putin, with Trump’s assistance, may soon have that bridge to North America that the warlord has long coveted.
That’s all for now! 2025 could be the Year of Trump. But ye of little faith shouldn’t despair because it’s always darkest before the dawn. The announcement of the 2026 midterm election results that restored rightful control of the House to the Democratic Party will cheer you up as Herr Trump loses his stranglehold on democracy in America.
Brad Bannon is a national Democratic strategist and CEO of Bannon Communications Research which polls for Democrats, labor unions and progressive issue groups. He hosts the popular progressive podcast on power, politics and policy, Deadline D.C. with Brad Bannon.
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